Memediana Jones and the Maple Syrup King

When you're a famous memeologist, sometimes your research can take you to faraway and exotic lands. Today we're going to be talking about such a place, where their strange customs and remote locale make them quite the oddity. This place has many names such as The Great White North, The Moose Factory, Leaf Land, America's Hat, Canukistan, and it’s most well known monicker Canada.

cnn fake news

Canada is actually known for a lot of badass things. They gave the world ice hockey, lacrosse, basketball, insulin, poutine, the telephone, imax movies, sonar, ginger ale, canola oil, and superman. They are also known for the world's largest maple leafs, the largest war and peacetime non nuclear explosions, the longest sniper killshot, and they even were able to fight the US into a draw during the war of 1812. Recently however one thing Canada seems to be faltering at is its politics.

It can be said that Canada is like America’s less cool brother. While the USA was busy rebelling against its dad and taking whatever it wanted from minorities, Canada was going out of its way to apologize all the time about everything. Canada is a lot like that kid who always turn in his homework on time and asks for extra credit while cool kid America was skipping class and picking up chicks with his mustang in the parking lot. Its this type of overt politeness that has recently gotten Canada into a bit of a pickle (or a timbit as the locals say). In 2015 the people of hockey country elected its worst Maple Syrup King ever, Justin Trudeau.

cnn fake news Id ask you to pick which one it is, but it's the one who looks like he made that sign.

Now many of you may see Trudeau and say, “wow such a young world leader, he must be so accomplished!” Well you'd be wrong, like super wrong. His qualifications for being elected to the head of the tenth most powerful economy in the world were: His dad was prime minster one time, he's a former substitute drama teacher, and his face makes girls ‘ginas tickle. So yeah, the overly sensitive people of Canada essentially elected the man as a sympathy vote for the Canadian Autism Foundation.

To understand just how laughably incompetent Trudeau is, one needs to look no further than his first acts as Canada's PM. JT campaigned on the fact that he was a feminist, something that you shouldn't have to repeat every fifteen seconds like your trying to convince yourself it's a good idea. Based on the state of modern feminism, this should have been the electorates first red flag. In a virtue signaling extravaganza, Trudeau announced day one that he would go out of his way to make sure that his cabinet of advisors was a 50/50 split of men and women. Let that sink in, he didn't say he wanted the most qualified people, he said he wanted to make sure that there were as many women as men. He affirmative actioned some of the highest level governmental posts because: reasons. When asked why he literally just said “because it's 2015” because that makes sense.

cnn fake news Actual footage of Canadian Press Conferance

In a surprise to no one this charade of “muh feminism” lasted about 3 months before, in a fit of childish temperament, diet Justin Timberlake was elbowing female members of the opposition party in the tit on the house of commons floor. I guess feminism only matters when the woman agrees with you. Of course for someone like Trudeau, only the narrative matters, not the actual substance. Take for example his actions dealing with Islam, an ideology that has spawned terrorists that his country has been fighting for over a decade.

Trudeau seems to be of the belief that if you fight islamic terrorists that try to kill you because you're not muslim, than that will only beget more islamic terrorism. Its this kind of circular logic train that has influenced his entire policy. Take for example the law he sponsored, M-103. M-103, while not actual a criminal statute, essentially put the people of Canada on notice that criticism of Islam in any form will not be tolerated by the Canadian government. You know who else makes laws like that? Actual Islamic dictatorships where anyone who leaves islam, or lets a woman drive a car, is stoned to death. If that wasn't enough, he then gave 10 million dollars to an actual no holds barred terrorist that killed one american with a grenade and wounded two others.

cnn fake news Don’t worry justin, Im sure theres no Canadian War Veterans who needed that money.

What kind of message does that even send? Join the army and canada will pay the people that are fighting you more money than you'll ever make in a military career. But don't worry, pretty boy Trudeau is doing far worse for his country on the international stage. For someone who is supposed to be the anti Donald Trump he does a pretty good job of saying embarrassing ill informed things about the rest of the world all the time. Like that time someone asked him what his favorite baltic nation was and he told the public “that's not a thing”.

cnn fake news Sorry Latvia. You don't matter

Not surprising since his parents were all about being sympathetic toward the russians during the cold war, and the last person who ignored the sovereignty of the baltic states was Joseph Stalin. Speaking of which did I mention that his mom had the hots for Fidel Castro? Yeah that was an actual thing which begs one final question, who really is Trudeau’s dad for that matter? I mean it's extremely rare for any head of state that isn’t a monarchy to have a child while in office. There's often too much of that whole running a nation business to pop out a kid in the meantime. I mean I’m not saying it was the milkman but…..

cnn fake news oops